Suzanne Says

I had a friend with a daughter the same age as mine. At the time I was going through some major hassles in my family life and she was a willing listener to my problems. I was really grateful to have her around at the time. Then about a year ago when our daughters were both starting kindergarten, I was having separation difficulties with my daughter. My daughter is quite sensitive and cautious; my friend's daughter quite outgoing. This is when I felt the first bit of competition creeping in and the sense that my friend enjoyed being the one who was the “professional,” the one who gave the advice; the one “on top.”

Twice I broached the subject with her and both times she was willing to talk to me about it but more as a counselor than a friend. I eventually started pulling away and we haven't got together for quite a while now. Our daughters will be attending different schools, and I'm glad about that. What's irritating me is that I have joined a club I'm really enjoying and now she's joined the same club. I felt like it was “my territory.” I realize it's not my territory and that I can't control who joins this club. I realize I am seeing her insecurity in the form of superiority. I realize it's my own insecurity that's making it so difficult to let go of my part in the “competition.” Yet I still feel bad. I think about it a lot. I want to let go and enjoy my life and let her live her own life. I want to be able to see her and feel OK. What is stopping me?

Yours sincerely,
Annabel, Australia

Answer: Hi Annabel:

It sounds like you are doing a great job with your inner work. When we become aware of an unhealthy pattern, the place to start is with our thinking patterns. This you are doing very well, recognizing that both of you have a self-esteem issue. Each of you easily created a bridge of commonality; you being the one in need and she needing to be the helper. Once you were no longer needy it was difficult for the relationship to change. My suggestion would to begin visualizing and affirming that both of you are transforming your relationship over time into a mutually supportive relationship. You do have rapport with each other. Since you are writing me, it is you who can start this.

Here are some affirmations to get you started every time you start thinking too much about the situation:

I am of equal value to all others.

I easily and effortlessly release all insecurities that motivate competition with (her name).

I receive my inner strength from God (The Source, Universe).

I face my acquaintance with acceptance and tolerance as we both learn to be peers.

I see we are each on our journey to wholeness and are teachers for each other.

I look forward to a reciprocal relationship with (her name) where we each can receive support and encouragement from the other.

I am grateful that I see the opportunities for growth in this situation.

If you look at last month's Suzanne Says, I illustrated how to make affirmations even more powerful with the five steps of affirmative prayer. You might like to review this to create a spiritual mind treatment with the above affirmations, as well as some of your own.