By Chelle Thompson

All of us encounter toxic people and situations in our lives. During those times we need whatever helpful tools we can find to stay balanced and clear. One of the methods I use to maintain perspective is to create a healthy level of detachment. Healthy, because I still have my heart engaged, but am not running amuck in an emotional minefield. The real-life dialogue that follows explains how this technique works:

Chelle: First, think of your mother cutting you down and criticizing the plans you made for your daughter's wedding. See her face, hear her mean words.

My Dear Friend: Okay, got it.

Chelle: Now, visualize yourself floating above that scene, gradually getting higher and higher. As you do, the image of you and your mom gets smaller and less distinct.

My Dear Friend: Okay, so I'm visualizing the entire scene, not just her, I'm floating above myself and my daughter too.

Chelle: That's right, because it's the whole "event" that hurts. Now keep rising until the image is just a fuzzy cloud floating far below your feet.

My Dear Friend: When I get up high enough, I can no longer hear or see her face. Is that too high?

Chelle: No that's perfect! Now, just let the picture drift away, out into the ethers ...

My Dear Friend: Okay.

Chelle: Here's a set of sayings I use to help trigger this "Distancing Process":

1. Go to Distance: Feel yourself disentangling from the chaos, the venomous words, the cruel attack, etc. ... pulling back to a distance where you feel like an observer who is not emotionally charged by the picture before them.

2. Go to Vertical: Then you do the process that we just went through of pulling up, and away, from the picture.

3. Leave it in the "Mystery": This is my favorite! I often hold this thought when the dark side of a person or event comes up, so that I'm not drawn into it.

My Dear Friend: You create a mystery novelette where she is a character?

Chelle: No, "leaving it in the mystery" means NOT trying to understand or explain it; allowing it, instead, to be "out of your hands" ... then, you proceed beyond it.

My Dear Friend: Do you have a hard time with that one? I do.

Chelle: I used to, but with practice it has become much more automatic.

My Dear Friend: I feel a need to be able to explain things; if they are irrational, it bothers me badly.

Chelle: I had that same problem, but can keep myself in a place of clarity now by focusing upon these wise words: "Delete the need to understand and to be understood." It's a major key to inner peace, personal happiness and authenticity.

My Dear Friend: I never knew that!

Chelle: Think about it ... in the Big Story, "being bothered" makes absolutely no tangible difference, except for keeping YOURSELF constantly upset or irritated.

It's all about letting go of this illusional idea of control we humans THINK we have, and thereby relinquishing our "need" for it.

My Dear Friend: Guess I have a lot of work to do.


Chelle Thompson is the editor of Inspiration Line's weekly ezine.
You may request a free subscription at www.InspirationLine.com





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