By Chelle Thompson
All of us encounter toxic
people and situations in our lives. During those times we need
whatever helpful tools we can find to stay balanced and clear.
One of the methods I use to maintain perspective is to create
a healthy level of detachment. Healthy,
because I still have my heart engaged, but am not running
amuck in an emotional minefield. The real-life dialogue that
follows explains how this technique works:
Chelle
: First, think
of your mother cutting you down and criticizing the plans you
made for your daughter's wedding. See her face, hear her mean
words.
My Dear Friend:
Okay, got it.
Chelle: Now,
visualize yourself floating above that scene, gradually
getting higher and higher. As you do, the image of you and
your mom gets smaller and less distinct.
My Dear Friend:
Okay, so I'm visualizing the entire scene, not just her, I'm
floating above myself and my daughter too.
Chelle:
That's right, because it's the whole "event" that
hurts. Now keep rising until the image is just a fuzzy cloud
floating far below your feet.
My Dear Friend: When
I get up high enough, I can no longer hear or see her face. Is
that too high?
Chelle: No
that's perfect! Now, just let the picture drift away, out into
the ethers ...
My Dear Friend: Okay.
Chelle:
Here's a set of sayings I use to help trigger this
"Distancing Process":
1. Go to Distance:
Feel yourself disentangling from the chaos, the venomous
words, the cruel attack, etc. ... pulling back to a distance
where you feel like an observer who is not emotionally charged
by the picture before them.
2. Go to Vertical:
Then you do the process that we just went through of pulling
up, and away, from the picture.
3. Leave it in the
"Mystery": This is my favorite! I often
hold this thought when the dark side of a person or event
comes up, so that I'm not drawn into it.
My Dear Friend:
You create a mystery novelette where she is a character?
Chelle: No, "leaving
it in the mystery" means NOT trying to understand or
explain it; allowing it, instead, to be "out of your
hands" ... then, you proceed beyond it.
My Dear Friend:
Do you have a hard time with that one? I do.
Chelle: I
used to, but with practice it has become much more automatic.
My Dear Friend:
I feel a need to be able to explain things; if they are
irrational, it bothers me badly.
Chelle: I had
that same problem, but can keep myself in a place of clarity
now by focusing upon these wise words: "Delete
the need to understand and to be understood."
It's a major key to inner peace, personal happiness and
authenticity.
My Dear Friend:
I never knew that!
Chelle: Think
about it ... in the Big Story, "being
bothered" makes absolutely no tangible difference, except
for keeping YOURSELF constantly upset or irritated.
It's all about letting go of
this illusional idea of control we humans THINK we have, and
thereby relinquishing our "need" for it.
My Dear Friend:
Guess I have a lot of work to do.
Chelle Thompson is the editor
of Inspiration Line's weekly ezine.
You may request a free subscription at www.InspirationLine.com
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