Humor

Zen Sarcasm

1. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me either. Just pretty much leave me alone.

2. The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and a leaky tire.

3. Always remember you're unique. Just like everyone else.

4. Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them you're a mile away and you have their shoes.

5. If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.

6. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.

7. If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.

8. If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.

9. Some days you're the bug; some days you're the windshield.

 

Paul Newman and Robert Redford

I'm a counsellor who helps coordinate support groups for visually-impaired adults.

Many participants have a condition known as macular degeneration, which makes it difficult for them to distinguish facial features.

I had just been assigned to a new group and was introducing myself.

Knowing that many in the group would not be able to see me well, I jokingly said, "For those of you who can't see me, I've been told that I look like a cross between Paul
Newman and Robert Redford."

Immediately, one woman called out, "We're not THAT blind!"


Quick Plane

Unaware that Indianapolis is on Eastern Standard Time and Chicago on Central Standard Time, Bob inquired at the Indianapolis airport about a plane to Chicago.

"The next flight leaves at 1:00 p.m.," a ticket agent said, "and arrives in Chicago at 1:01 p.m."

"Would you repeat that, please?" Bob asked.

The agent did so and then inquired, "Do you want a reservation?"

"No," said Bob, "But I think I'll hang around and watch that thing take off!"


Lost Bet

The strong young man at the construction site was bragging that he could outdo anyone in a feat of strength. He made a special case of making fun of one of the older workmen. After several minutes, the older worker had had enough.

"Why don't you put your money where your mouth is?" he said. "I will bet a week's wages that I can haul something in a wheelbarrow over to that building that you won't be able to wheel back."

"You're on, old man," the young guy replied.

The old man reached out and grabbed the wheelbarrow by the handles. Then he turned to the young man and said, "All right. Get in."

(Back)

 

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