Humor

If You Can

Author unknown                  

Inner Strength If you can start the day without caffeine or pep pills,
If you can be cheerful, ignoring aches and pains,
If you can resist complaining and boring people with your troubles,
If you can eat the same food everyday and be grateful for it,
If you can understand when loved ones are too busy to give you time,
If you can overlook when people take things out on you when,
       through no fault of yours, something goes wrong,
If you can take criticism and blame without resentment,
If you can face the world without lies and deceit,
If you can conquer tension without medical help,
If you can relax without liquor,
If you can sleep without the aid of drugs,
If you can do all these things......

Then you are probably the family dog.

 

Cinderella -- A New Presentation

Cinderella is now 95 years old. After a fulfilling life with the now dead
prince, she happily sits upon her rocking chair, watching the world go by
from her front porch, with a cat named Bob for companionship.

One sunny afternoon out of nowhere, appeared the fairy Godmother.

Cinderella said, "Fairy Godmother, what are you doing here after all these
years?"

The fairy godmother replied, "Cinderella, you have lived an exemplary life
since I last saw you. Is there anything for which your heart still yearns?"

Cinderella was taken aback, overjoyed, and after some thoughtful
consideration, she uttered her first wish: "The prince was wonderful but not
much of an investor. I'm living hand to mouth on my disability checks, and I
wish I were wealthy beyond comprehension."

Instantly her rocking chair turned into solid gold. Cinderella said, "Ooh,
thank you, Fairy Godmother."

The fairy godmother replied "It is the least that I can do. What do you want
for your second wish?"

Cinderella looked down at her frail body, and said, "I wish I were young and
full of the beauty and youth I once had."

At once, her wish became reality, and her beautiful young visage returned.

Cinderella felt stirrings inside of her that had been dormant for years.

And then the fairy godmother spoke once more: "You have one more wish; what
shall it be?"

Cinderella looks over to the frightened cat in the corner and says, "I wish
for you to transform Bob, my old cat, into a kind and handsome young man."

Magically, Bob suddenly underwent so fundamental a change in his biological
make-up that, when he stood before her, he was a man so beautiful the likes
of him neither she nor the world had ever seen.

The fairy godmother said, "Congratulations, Cinderella, enjoy your new life.
With a blazing shock of bright blue electricity, the fairy godmother was
gone as suddenly as she appeared.

For a few eerie moments, Bob and Cinderella looked into each other's eyes.
Cinderella sat, breathless, gazing at the most beautiful, stunningly perfect
man she had ever seen. Then Bob walked over to Cinderella, who sat
transfixed in her rocking chair, and held her close in his young muscular
arms. He leaned in close, blowing her golden hair with his warm breath as he
whispered............................



..............I BET YOU'RE SORRY YOU NEUTERED ME!!!

 

Email from God

One day God was looking down at Earth and
saw all of the inappropriate behavior that
was going on.

He decided to send an angel down to Earth
to check it out.

When the angel returned, he told God, "Yes,
it is bad on Earth; 95% are misbehaving and
5% are not."

God thought for a moment and said, "Maybe
I had better send down a second angel to get
another opinion."

So God called another angel and sent him to
Earth for a time.

When that angel returned he went to God
and said, "Yes, it's true. The Earth is in
decline; 95% are misbehaving and 5% are
being good."

God was not pleased. So while He was
debating what to do about the 95%, He
decided to email the 5% that were good
to encourage them - give them a little
something to help them keep going...

Do you know what that email said?

No?


Yeah........I didn't get one either.

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