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1. Do not walk behind
me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not
follow. Do not walk beside me either. Just pretty much leave
me alone.
2. The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan
belt and a leaky tire.
3. Always remember you're unique. Just like everyone else.
4. Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in
their shoes. That way, when you criticize them you're a mile
away and you have their shoes.
5. If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.
6. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how
to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.
7. If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it
was probably worth it.
8. If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.
9. Some days you're the bug; some days you're the windshield.
I'm a counsellor who
helps coordinate support groups for visually-impaired adults.
Many participants have a condition known as macular
degeneration, which makes it difficult for them to distinguish
facial features.
I had just been assigned to a new group and was introducing
myself.
Knowing that many in the group would not be able to see me
well, I jokingly said, "For those of you who can't see
me, I've been told that I look like a cross between Paul
Newman and Robert Redford."
Immediately, one woman called out, "We're not THAT
blind!"
Unaware that
Indianapolis is on Eastern Standard Time and Chicago on
Central Standard Time, Bob inquired at the Indianapolis
airport about a plane to Chicago.
"The next flight leaves at 1:00 p.m.," a ticket
agent said, "and arrives in Chicago at 1:01 p.m."
"Would you repeat that, please?" Bob asked.
The agent did so and then inquired, "Do you want a
reservation?"
"No," said Bob, "But I think I'll hang around
and watch that thing take off!"
The strong young man
at the construction site was bragging that he could outdo
anyone in a feat of strength. He made a special case of making
fun of one of the older workmen. After several minutes, the
older worker had had enough.
"Why don't you put your money where your mouth is?"
he said. "I will bet a week's wages that I can haul
something in a wheelbarrow over to that building that you
won't be able to wheel back."
"You're on, old man," the young guy replied.
The old man reached out and grabbed the wheelbarrow by the
handles. Then he turned to the young man and said, "All
right. Get in."
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