New York Language

(water between Manhattan and Brooklyn)

(opposite of him)

Turdy Turdin' Lex
(33rd Street and Lexington Avenue)

New Yawk
(Where we be at)

Terl It

Washda Closendaws
(Warning heard on the subways)

Long GUY Len
(Long Island)

(Someone you don't like)

Da Bronx
(Only NYC borough that begins with a "D")

Dah Boat a Yews
(The both of you)

Toy Teen
(One less than fourteen)


Laywer Wanted

An investment counselor went out on her own, forming her
own business. She was shrewd and diligent, so clients kept
coming in. Pretty soon she realized she needed an in-house
counsel, and so she began interviewing young lawyers.

"As I'm sure you can understand," she started off with
one of the first applicants, "in a business like this,
our personal integrity must be beyond question." She
leaned forward. "Mr. Peterson, are you an 'honest' lawyer?"

"Honest?" replied the job prospect. "Let me tell you
something about honest. Why, I'm so honest that my father
lent me fifteen thousand dollars for my education and I
paid back every penny the minute I tried my very first case."

"Impressive. And what sort of case was that?"

The lawyer squirmed in his seat and admitted,

"He sued me for the money."


The Smartest Man In The World

A Doctor, a Lawyer, a Priest and a high school student were all flying on an airplane. All of a sudden the engine began to fail and they realized that they would have to jump .

They went to get the parachutes and discovered that there were only three. The Doctor spoke up saying that he must have one because people would need him in order to cure illnesses and such.

The Lawyer then stepped up and said that he must have one because he was the smartest of them all and people would need him to settle conflicts and run the government.

The priest stepped up and said that he had lived a full life and that he wanted the high school student to have the last parachute. The high school student said that there were two parachutes left and that they could both

The priest was confused and reminded the student that there were only three parachutes to start with so how could there be two left.

"All I know is that the smartest man in the world just put on my backpack and jumped from the plane."


Politically Correct Ways To Say Someone Is Not Too Bright

A few clowns short of a circus.

A few fries short of a happy meal.

The wheel's spinning, but the hamster's dead.

Slipped into the gene pool when the lifeguard wasn't watching.

Body by Fisher, brains by Mattel.

Warning: Objects in mirror are dumber than they appear.

Couldn't pour water out of a boot with instructions on the heel.

He fell out of the stupid tree and hit every branch on the way down.

Her antenna doesn't pick up all the channels.

His belt doesn't go through all the loops.

Proof that evolution CAN go in reverse.

Receiver is off the hook.







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