Humor

Blind Little Johnny

Little Johnny and his friend Billy were on their very first train ride with Billy's mother. A vendor came down the corridor selling a candy bar that neither had ever seen before. Billy's mom bought each one of them a bar.
Little Johnny eagerly tore open the wrapper and bit a bit off into his mouth just as the train went into a tunnel.

When the train emerged from the tunnel, he looked across at Billy and said: "I wouldn't eat that if I were you."

"Why not?" asked Billy.

Little Johnny replied, "I took one bite and went blind for half a minute."


Man of the House

The husband had just finished reading the book, MAN OF THE HOUSE.
He stormed into the kitchen and walked directly up to his wife.

Pointing a finger in her face, he said, "From now on, I want you to know
that I am the man of this house, and my word is law!

I want you to prepare me a gourmet meal tonight, and when I'm finished
eating my meal, I expect a sumptuous dessert afterward. Then, after
dinner, you're going to draw me my bath so I can relax.

And when I'm finished with my bath, guess who's going to dress me and
comb my hair?"

His wife replied, "The funeral director."

 

Visual Acuity

I was performing a complete physical, including the visual acuity test.

I placed the patient twenty feet from the chart and began,
"Cover your right eye with your hand."

He read the 20/20 line perfectly. Now your left."

Again, a flawless read. Now both," I requested.

There was silence. He couldn't even read the large E on the top line.

I turned and discovered that he had done exactly what I had asked;
he was standing there with both his eyes covered. I was laughing too hard to finish the exam.

 

You Won't Go to Jail

A man who had been caught embezzling millions from his employer went to a lawyer seeking defense. He didn’t want to go to jail.

But his lawyer told him, "Don’t worry. You’ll never have to go to jail with all that money.”

And the lawyer was right. When the man was sent to prison, he didn’t have a dime.

 

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