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Max went into the doctor's
office for his annual checkup, and the Doc asked if there was
anything unusual he should know about.
So Max told the Doc that his suit must have shrunk over the last
year, because it didn't fit when he went to get ready for a
wedding recently.
The Doc said, "Suits don't shrink just sitting in a closet.
You probably put on a few pounds."
"That's just it, Doc, I know I haven't gained a single
pound since the last time I wore it."
"Well, then," said Doc, "You must have a case of
Furniture Disease."
"What in the world is Furniture Disease?" asked Max.
"That's when your chest starts sliding down into your
drawers."
"Tonight's forecast: dark.
Continuing dark throughout the night and turning to widely
scattered light in the morning."
-- George Carlin
A man was on a walking holiday
in Ireland. He became thirsty so decided to stop at a little
cottage and ask for something to drink. The lady of the house
invited him in and served him a bowl of soup by the fire. There
was a wee pig running around the kitchen, running up to the
visitor and giving him a great deal of attention.
The visitor commented that he had never seen a pig this
friendly. The housewife replied: "Ah, he's not that
friendly. That's his bowl you're using."
100th Birthday Party
A 100 year old man was having a big birthday party at his
nursing home. A TV crew was there to interview the man on this
special day.
"Please tell our audience how you managed to live so
long," as the reporter.
"Well, I don't ever drink and I've never smoked,"
replied the old geezer. "And, I make it a point to stay
away from wild women."
Just then, there was a loud shriek in the hall. The crew turned
to see a nurse run by, followed by an agile looking, older man.
The older man carried a foul smelling cigar in one hand and a
glass of whisky in the other. As he ran by, he paused for a
moment, looked at the crowd and let out a hardy, "He, he,
he!" and then continued his pursuit.
"What was that all about?" asked the astonished
reporter.
Replied the old geezer, "Please excuse my father -- he gets
carried away sometimes!"
An Amish man answered a knock on
his door one morning. An electric company worker handed him a
piece of paper stating that the electric company would like to
run a power line through his pasture.
The Amish man said, "No."
"Legally, that paper says we can." replied the worker.
As he turned and left returning to his co-workers in the field,
the Amish man went to his barn and turned his bull into the
pasture.
As the bull rumbled toward the workers in the field, the Amish
man hollered,
"Show HIM your paper!"
(Back)
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