Suzanne Says

Question: Hi Suzanne: I have just recently started a conformation program with a Catholic church. The reason I wanted to do this is because I was brought up to go and was taught that I should get my children baptized. So now I have baptized my daughter who is two and my six year old son is going to be baptized and confirmed with me on Easter. My husband does not believe in church or God at all. Through this whole experience I have not been my self. I feel that church is good for the kids because it teaches them how to be giving and to be a good person. Also, I feel am doing the right thing as in making them be a part of a religion. I have a lot of mixed emotions right now and we are already involved with the church and I am not sure if I made a good choice. I guess in my own mind I feel that we don’t have to go to church to believe and now I am battling what I was taught to do. Any suggestions?

Answer: I can feel your doubt and confusion. Taking your husband out of the equation (he has his own path and may not understand yours), it feels to me that you have one foot in the old and one foot in the new. This is a very common dilemma many of us experience when we shift perspectives, heal our past, and grow. It is difficult to make changes when we are programmed from childhood with certain beliefs about God and religion and feel guilty if we do not follow the religious teachings exactly. Fear comes up too. What if we are wrong; maybe we are going to be punished for following a new path that requires questioning our conditioning.

Know there are many religions to explore besides the one within you were raised that may be more of a match for where you are now. Organized religion can still give you the comfort and sense of community and your children some of the moral teachings you feel important.

It is helpful to have support when you are changing your belief system. Did you know there are Twelve Step groups to help people recover from harsh religious teachings?