Suzanne Says

Question: Hello. I heard about this site from a message on my mail from a friend. So far I have done the self-esteem inventory and I have a long way to go. Have you any advice on how to be more positive about being independent? I have just started working again and feel very insecure. I worry about rent and the council benefits are not very considerate about any of the things that need sorting out. I find them very abrupt.

Thank you
Jacqueline

Answer: Jacqueline, thank you for writing about, what I think is the number one issue, people have causing most of their problems and unhappiness. The world is full of people with toxic self-hatred, which expresses in one of two ways. Either people project their anger, rage, fear, and doubt on to others and can even justify acts of violence against others or they implode their anger, rage, fear, and doubt towards themselves. Both extremes have a foundation problem, low self-esteem.

How can you build a healthy level of self-esteem? The first step is exactly what you are doing, becoming aware of where your problems lie. By working with the statements in the self-esteem inventory, you can see where you must update your thinking, which will eventually change your attitudes and actions, and finally will improve how you feel. Take the statements and use one a day as an affirmation. Repeat it often, out loud when you can, and write it 10 times a day. Every time you hear your negative, critical self-talk or run into a problem situation, repeat your affirmation or another one that is appropriate. This is a proactive way to heal your belief system which is fueling your low self-esteem. Here is the revised Harrill Self-Esteem Inventory for 2007.

You mentioned that you worry a lot. This is an unhealthy and unproductive habit that your mind, and many of us, learned a long ago. Again, you have to be vigilant to build new habits. In place of worry, repeat a favorite prayer, pick up and read a spiritual or self-help book, call a friend, write or say favorite affirmations, or repeat a mantra over and over (one I learned from the book, The Handbook for Higher Consciousness, by Ken Keys Jr. is to say, "Always us living love.").

One last thought is that we each can only be where we are on our life journey. Never compare yourself with others. Take one step at a time and focus on what you can do today to improve your emotional well being.