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3-year-old Reese:
"Our Father, Who does art in heaven,
Harold is His name.
Amen."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A little boy was overheard praying:
"Lord, if you can't make me a better boy, don't worry
about it.
I'm having a real good time like I am."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
After the christening of his baby brother in church,
Jason sobbed all the way home in the back seat of the car.
His father asked him three times what was wrong.
Finally, the boy replied,
"That preacher said he wanted us brought up in a
Christian home,
and I want to stay with you guys."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
One particular four-year-old prayed,
"And forgive us our trash baskets
as we forgive those who put trash in our baskets."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A Sunday school teacher asked her children as they
were on the way to church service,
"And why is it necessary to be quiet in church?"
One bright little girl replied,
"Because people are sleeping."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A mother was preparing pancakes for her sons, Kevin 5, and
Ryan 3.
The boys began to argue over who would get the first pancake.
Their mother saw the opportunity for a moral lesson.
"If Jesus were sitting here, He would say,
'Let my brother have the first pancake, I can wait.'
Kevin turned to his younger brother and said,
"Ryan, you be Jesus!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A father was at the beach with his children
when the four-year-old son ran up to him,
grabbed his hand, and led him to the shore
where a seagull lay dead in the sand.
"Daddy, what happened to him?" the son asked.
"He died and went to Heaven," the Dad replied.
The boy thought a moment and then said,
"Did God throw him back down?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A wife invited some people to dinner.
At the table, she turned to their six-year-old daughter and
said,
"Would you like to say the blessing?"
"I wouldn't know what to say," the girl replied.
"Just say what you hear Mommy say," the wife
answered.
The daughter bowed her head and said,
"Lord, why on earth did I invite all these people to
dinner?"
submitted by Marle Creer
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All
those who believe in psychokinesis raise my hand.
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The early
bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
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I almost had
a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met.
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OK, so what's
the speed of dark?
-
How do you
tell when you're out of invisible ink?
-
If everything
seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked
something.
-
Support
bacteria - they're the only culture some people have.
-
When
everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
-
Ambition is a
poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.
-
Hard work
pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.
-
Everyone has
a photographic memory. Some just don't have film.
-
Shin: a
device for finding furniture in the dark.
-
Many people
quit looking for work when they find a job.
-
I intend to
live forever - so far, so good.
-
If Barbie is
so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
-
Eagles may
soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
-
Dancing is a
perpendicular expression of a horizontal desire.
-
When I'm not
in my right mind, my left mind gets pretty crowded.
-
Boycott
shampoo! Demand the REAL poo!
-
Who is
General Failure and why is he reading my hard disk?
-
What happens
if you get scared half to death twice?
-
I used to
have an open mind but my brains kept falling out.
-
I couldn't
repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.
-
Why do
psychics have to ask you for your name?
-
If at first
you don't succeed, dest roy all evidence that you tried.
-
If at first
you don't succeed, then skydiving definitely isn't for
you.
-
A conclusion
is the place where you got tired of thinking.
-
Experience is
something you don't get until just after you need it.
-
For every
action, there is an equal and opposite criticism.
-
The colder
the X-ray table, the more of your body is required to be
on it.
-
The hardness
of the butter is proportional to the softness of the
bread.
-
The severity
of the itch is proportional to the reach.
-
To steal
ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is
research.
-
You never
really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
-
The problem
with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.
-
Monday is an
awful way to spend 1/7th of your life.
-
The sooner
you fall behind, the more time you'll have to catch up.
-
A clear
conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
-
If you must
choose between two evils, pick the one you've never tried
before.
from: http://www.weather.net/zarg/ZarPages/stevenWright.htmlg/ZarPages/stevenWright.html
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