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Send your questions to Suzanne@InnerworksPublishing.com
Question: Hi Suzanne, I need some
advice. I am going through the grieving process right now. A
five year relationship just ended with someone I was very much
in love with. Do you have any tips on how to make the process go
smoothly and to help make life feel normal again?
Take care,
Angy
Answer: Hi Angy: This is a difficult
time for you I am sure. I first experienced a break up as a
teenager and was thrown off by the choice of my partner. I felt
deep rejection and was depressed for a good while. Songs made me
cry and I did not want to smile or listen to well-meaning
parents who thought I "should" be getting over the
breakup a few months down the path.
From my current perspective I believe loss is
a part of life and we all go through grieving at times, even if
it is over a necessary loss. So much has been written about
the grieving process that I will summarize by saying it is
normal to be upset, sad one moment, angry the next, lethargic
and depressed the next. It takes time to accept the current
situation and to believe it is in your own best interest.
Talking about your feelings with someone
trustworthy is helpful, as is journal writing about everything
going on inside of you. Include what you liked and disliked
about the relationship, the other's personality, and yourself.
What did you learn about yourself and what do you want to create
in the future? Time helps us gain clarity and allows us to
eventually accept the loss.
A very helpful book is The Grief Recovery
Handbook: The Action Program for Moving Beyond Death, Divorce,
and Other Losses by John W. James and Russell Friedman. One
exercise in particular involves creating a relationship graph
for your lost relationship. Another is how to write a letter to
this person that you do not send but read to a trusted friend or
therapist.
Look for ways to develop your own interests,
like get back into a hobby or start one, take a class, walk in
nature daily, learn the art of meditation, connect to friends or
move towards people that you would like to get to know better,
watch comedies so you laugh often.
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