TRANSFORMING VICTIMIZATION: TRUE STORY
"When the bottom falls out of your
reality, you then pay attention to yourself, your fears, dreams
and needs in a very different manner. You have nothing to lose
in letting the smoke screens in your life fall away.
"As you can learn to look at your life
honestly, without excuses and self-imposed, preconceived
conditions, you will find the levels of fear and anxiousness
diminish. The willingness to re-evaluate the current 'you' and
the possibilities for a new "you" is what turns
limitation into opportunity and destructive, old patterning into
viable, healthy new paths of growth."
-- Meredith Lady Young
Language of the Soul: Applying Universal
Principles for Self-Empowerment
How does one heal and grow from an
unthinkable traumatic experience? It helps each of us when
others open their hearts and tell their stories. In this issue
and several following, personal stories illustrate how we can
move beyond staying a victim and how to use painful events to
grow spiritually. Know that the events that wounded us, whether
or not they are as severe as those in these stories, can deepen
our relationship with our Self and be used for the upliftment of
our consciousness. To raise our consciousness out of the
consensus reality of victim/victimizer consciousness, takes
tremendous courage and vigilance.
Allow these courageous people to impact you
and show you the way out of trauma. Their sharing is very
personal and each of them hopes to show you that no matter how
challenging a life situation, there are ways to grow and heal
from the experience.
Some of the best teachers and healers are the
wounded healers who have healed themselves. In the following
months you will read others. If you are drawn to write your
story, send it to me. If you missed story number 1, click
Story Number 2 Bill Newton
Mark Twain once commented that the older he
got the smarter his father got. Likewise, the further I go down
the road of self-awareness the smarter Suzanne Harrill gets. So
many of the things I learned from her years ago have turned out
to be true in my life and possibly yours.
I was born into abusive environments. My
parents, now both deceased, would be shocked to learn of my
assessment, because for the most part they had great intentions.
The problem was they turned me over to what I call
"surrogate abusers." Looking back it all makes sense.
They were raised during the depression and their lives were
indeed difficult. Even though they didnít talk much about it,
I am certain they both grew up in abusive situations. So it
makes sense they would direct their child to the care of people
they were familiar with, not knowing that instead of caring for
him they were actually doing harm.
There was a series of them, from nuns who
were physically and emotionally abusive, to a sadistic
pediatrician, to a seminary I attended where the priests were
sexually abusing some of my classmates. As I grew into
adulthood, I unknowingly continued seeking out the same types of
people, including those I looked to for healing, like
therapists. More about that later.
My healing journey began when I met Suzanne
Harrill. I was probably one of her hardest sells in that I
viewed what she was telling me, and what I was reading in the
books she recommended, as so much horse manure. But, as I told
her, "What the heck, I might as well try this, since
nothing else has worked." I was desperate and I knew there
had to be something better.
I can identify two turning points in my
journey: "A Course in Miracles" and "Love is
Letting Go of Fear." Those two books, of all I read, have
affected me the most profoundly. In them I learned the power of
forgiveness and the fact that I could connect to my higher self,
listen and get guidance, view and experience life differently,
and basically turn my life around.
I became sold on forgiving once I realized
that I continued to attract people into my adult life that had
the same abusive energy of those in my earlier years. I was
unconsciously drawing them to me in a vain attempt to try to get
back at them. The end result was that I continued to create the
same no-win abusive patterns.
That reality came crashing home when I ended
up in a corporate job where I worked for the CEO of a large
company. I was told he felt my expertise was crucial to the
success of the company, but I was placed in a department where I
had to answer to abusive bosses. Once again, I had created a
situation where I was supposedly appreciated (loved), but had to
contend with some incredibly negative situations. It took me a
while, but I finally realized it was almost a carbon copy of
what I went through as a child.
In the process of identifying recurring
patterns, Suzanne taught me that life is like a spiral
staircase. As we ascend, we encounter similar situations, but
are higher on the stairs, i.e. more aware. A couple of years
ago, I found myself dealing with a corrupt clergyman (not
another one!). This time, however, I was on the churchís board
of directors; I was his boss, and higher on the staircase.
Thanks to Suzanneís teachings, and a lot of ancillary reading
and prayer, I finally became aware of what was going on. It
became an opportunity to do things differently. So much of the
healing process is the identification of a pattern that began in
childhood and keeps recurring until we forgive it. The "A
Course in Miracles" gave me some powerful imagery to
forgive those people, bless them and let them go.
I also had something working in my life
called the "law of opposites." Thatís a phrase I
coined when I began to notice that as I tried to accomplish
something, frequently the opposite happened. I realized this
pattern was established early on when the people who were
supposed to care for me did just the opposite. During my journey
I learned the power of asking that a situation be different and
I have been able to make significant changes.
Looking at the big picture (with age comes
insight), I have come to realize that what went on before was
supposed to happen. My soul had agreed to the experiences as
part of its journey and I needed to experience them in order to
know the difference between then and now. I have made peace with
that life and moved on to a new plane where I have several core
We all are one.
I donít have any enemies unless I want
I believe the world is a friendly place and,
thanks to that belief, that is what I experience.
I wish you well in your journey.
Bill was a client for several years and a
handful at times, challenging me every step of the way with his
pessimism about the concepts of thinking with higher
consciousness. It gives me great joy now to watch his life
unfold because he is experiencing the fruition of many years of
diligent inner work and healing. He has absolutely changed his
reality, from that of continually repeating what he had been
taught--- to live as a victim, to that of an empowered
individual---living each day creatively with awareness and
appreciation of what life brings him. Bill and his wife adopted
a baby boy who is now a thriving teenager. Bill is a great
father and parenting is one of his highest priorities.