by Suzanne E. Harrill
Many of us easily get upset
and disappointed during the holidays. As we approach the
holiday season, our wishes, hopes, and dreams surface. Our
hopes to experience joy, peace, love, and fulfillment get
intensified. The images we see on T.V. or in magazines show
happy people, experiencing only good things. This can cause us
to have unrealistic expectations. Besides this, many of us
live away from our roots, our family and close friends are not
available and we feel detached and missing those warm feelings
of connectedness.
In order to get the most out of the holidays, it is a good
idea to realize when our expectations are unrealistic. When we
expect too much when it involves others or want to repeat
something from the past, we can miss new opportunities to
enjoy the holiday season. Why not spend a little time before
the holidays to develop a fresh outlook so that you are
realistic about what can be experienced this year. Let us look
at several areas.
First, most of us want to be part of the fun. Define what fun
is for you. Maybe it is going to parties, laughing, and
enjoying companionship in large groups. Accept invitations if
it feels right for you and monitor yourself to see where
hidden expectations might lurk. If you find that once you
arrive too much of your time is spent eating the goodies or
drinking alcohol, take that as a red flag. Pause to ask
yourself some questions such as, "Am I disappointed? What
expectations did I have about the party? (Maybe the
host/hostess is busy and you are on your own). How can I meet
a new friend, what risk might I take to get some conversations
going with new people?" When you get home ponder where
your needs were met or not met. For some it might be better to
spend time with a smaller group; perhaps going to a concert is
more likely to meet your needs. You can have fun and enjoy the
holiday spirit whichever way you choose. Just be true to
yourself. The key, spend time getting clear with yourself as
you open to new experiences and opportunities.
Next, take a look at your family gathering. Maybe the pictures
of happy families gathered around a dinner table or a piano
singing does not meet the reality of your own family. If you
have never experienced a holiday like the ones in the
commercials, it may be best to slow your expectations down. As
we work with our own perspective, attitudes, beliefs we
experience different results whether others change or not.
Before you arrive at a family gathering, prepare yourself for
your family and ask yourself how to get the most out of the
time spent. It is good to have goals and want to get your
needs met with your family; however, it is up to you to do
this.
Ask yourself how you can
improve the warmth and connectedness and avoid the superficial
emptiness of a large group. Then listen to your own advice.
Talk to folks one-on-one and listen to what they want to say,
rather than listening to the most dominant person speaking to
the larger group. Look for small changes in getting more out
of your family gatherings. This will help you to be more
realistic and will help you avoid expecting too much too fast.
Remind yourself that life is a process and that the only one
you can really change is yourself. Remember, though, that as
you behave or speak differently, it changes the dynamics of
the group.
If you feel the stress of the material culture we live in and
the gift giving bothers you, spend some time with yourself to
get clear about your own values. Renegotiate with others such
things as toning down the dollar amount of the gifts exchanged
this year or agree to only give something you have created.
Giving from the heart is what the spirit of Christmas is all
about, not duty and obligation or keeping up with the Jones.
Remember to practice self-care during the holidays. Continue
your exercise routine and spiritual practices. Each day take a
few moments to preview the day and see where you might do
things a little differently this year to avoid the hassles of
the season and get into the excitement of creating your life
the way you choose.
The next time you buy into the collective images of what the
holidays are about, consider doing it differently, so you
won't be hassled by unfulfilled expectations. The antidote to
feeling hassled by the holiday season is to stay tuned into
yourself and to take small steps to create more of what you
want.
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