by Tim
Field
Insecure and emotionally immature people
often exhibit bullying behaviours, especially manipulation and
deception. These are necessary in order to obtain attention
which would not otherwise be forthcoming. Bullies and
harassers have the emotional age of a young child and will
exhibit temper tantrums, deceit, lying and manipulation to
avoid exposure of their true nature and to evade
accountability and sanction. Being the centre of attention
alleviates feelings of insecurity and inadequacy, but the
relief is temporary as the underlying problem remains
unaddressed: low self-confidence and low self-esteem, and
consequent low levels of self-worth and self love.
Attention-seeking is particularly noticeable with females, so
I've used the pronoun "she." Males, of course, also
exhibit this form of personality disorder.
The Sufferer: This might include
feigning or exaggerating illness, playing on an injury, or
perhaps causing or inviting injury. The illness or injury
becomes a vehicle for gaining sympathy and thus attention. The
attention-seeker excels in manipulating people through their
emotions, especially that of guilt. It's very difficult not to
feel sorry for someone who relates a plausible tale of
suffering in a sob story or "poor me" drama.
The Rescuer: Particularly common in
family situations, she's the one who will dash in and
"rescue" people whenever the moment is opportune -
to herself, that is. She then gains gratification from basking
in the glory of her humanitarian actions. The act of rescue
and thus the opportunities for gaining attention can be
enhanced if others are excluded from the act of rescue; this
helps create a dependency relationship between the rescuer and
rescued which can be exploited for further acts of rescue (and
attention) later. When not in rescue mode, the rescuer may be
resentful, perhaps even contemptuous, of the person she is
rescuing.
The Organizer: She may present
herself as the one in charge, the one organizing everything,
the one who is reliable and dependable, the one people can
always turn to. However, the objective is not to help people
(this is only a means to an end) but to always be the centre
of attention.
The Manipulator: She may exploit
family relationships, manipulating others with guilt and
distorting perceptions; although she may not harm people
physically, she causes everyone to suffer emotional injury.
Vulnerable family members are favourite targets. A common
attention-seeking ploy is to claim she is being persecuted,
victimized, excluded, isolated or ignored by another family
member or group, perhaps insisting she is the target of a
campaign of exclusion or harassment.
The Drama Queen: Every incident or
opportunity, no matter how insignificant, is exploited,
exaggerated and if necessary distorted to become an event of
dramatic proportions. Everything is elevated to crisis
proportions. Histrionics may be present where the person feels
she is not the centre of attention but should be.
Inappropriate flirtatious behaviour may also be present.
The Busy Bee: This individual is the
busiest person in the world if her constant retelling of her
life is to be believed. Everyday events which are regarded as
normal by normal people take on epic proportions as everyone
is invited to simultaneously admire and commiserate with this
oh-so-busy person who never has a moment to herself, never has
time to sit down, etc. She's never too busy, though, to tell
you how busy she is.
The Feigner: When called to account
and outwitted, the person instinctively uses the denial -
counterattack - feigning victimhood strategy to manipulate
everyone present, especially bystanders and those in
authority. The most effective method of feigning victimhood is
to burst into tears, for most people's instinct is to feel
sorry for them, to put their arm round them or offer them a
tissue. Feigning victimhood is a favourite tactic of bullies
and harassers to evade accountability and sanction. When
accused of bullying and harassment, the person immediately
turns on the water works and claims they are the one being
bullied or harassed - even though there's been no prior
mention of being bullied or harassed. It's the fact that this
claim appears only after and in response to having been called
to account that is revealing. Mature adults do not burst into
tears when held accountable for their actions.
The False Confessor: This person
confesses to crimes they haven't committed in order to gain
attention from the police and the media. In some cases people
have confessed to being serial killers, even though they
cannot provide any substantive evidence of their crimes. Often
they will confess to crimes which have just been reported in
the media.
The Online Victim: This person uses
Internet chat rooms and forums to allege that they've been the
victim of rape, violence, harassment, abuse etc. The alleged
crime is never reported to the authorities, for obvious
reasons. The facelessness and anonymity of the Internet suits
this type of attention seeker.
The Victim: She may intentionally
create acts of harassment against herself, e.g. send herself
hate mail or damage her own possessions in an attempt to
incriminate a fellow employee, a family member, neighbor, etc.
Scheming, cunning, devious, deceptive and manipulative, she
will identify her "harasser" and produce
circumstantial evidence in support of her claim. She will
revel in the attention she gains and use her glib charm to
plausibly dismiss any suggestion that she herself may be
responsible. However, a background check may reveal that this
is not the first time she has had this happen to her.
Reprinted from www.InspirationLine.com
Excerpted from Attention Seeking
Personality Disorders
By Tim Field at www.BullyOnline.org
Oxfordshire, England
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