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by Frank A. DiLallo
There are few greater threats
to all schools than bullying. There is absolutely no school immune to peer
mistreatment and the insidious impact it has on learning, a person's spirit and
the overall school climate. In every way, peer mistreatment is the antithesis to
learning, serving, leading and succeeding.
The good news is that a
myriad of successful strategies is available for positive and hopeful response.
We can literally turn this problem into an opportunity for FORMATION and
CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT!
With formation and character
development in mind, it is imperative that we put things into perspective. The
term "Bullying" is highly ambiguous and consensus about how, exactly, to
characterize bullying behavior is extremely elusive. Every person who learns of
an incident wears a subjective lens based on their own previous experiences
(personal and professional). Often, administrators, teachers, and parents get
hung up on the conundrum; "Is this or is this not bullying?", at the expense of
a quick intervention and resolution. As research proves that asking this
question, "Is this really bullying?", is bound to cause a great deal of
consternation and confusion between school and home -- with plenty of room for
disagreements. The term "mistreatment" is more accurate, and has less emotional
baggage and judgments connected to it. As a result, by replacing the term
bullying with the term mistreatment, there is less likelihood for confusion and
that adults will label, or make assumptions about a child's character or
intentions.
Most likely, trying to get to
the bottom of whether a situation is bullying or is not bullying is well
intended, however the energy expended to make such a determination is exhausting
and highly erroneous. By viewing all behaviors as "bullying" we can run amuck;
the risk of unwittingly under responding to a volatile situation, such as
physical assault, or over responding to a less serious situation, such as eye
rolling.
We should by all means take
every incident seriously, however after investigating, our efforts should focus
on tailoring a unique response based on the developmental age of the child(ren)
and the severity of the situation. We are not responding to "bullying", we are
sensitively responding to misguided actions. Please remember; "This child made a
mistake, he/she is not a mistake."
The #1 top priority for
adults at school and parents at home should always include two key questions:
Did the action(s) cause or does the action(s) have the potential
to cause physical or emotional harm?
Did the action(s)
interfere with or does the action(s) have the potential to interfere with
student learning?
It is important for us to
create a paradigm shift from problem-centric bullying language, to more
effectively align our responses with positive solution-centric approaches that
embody compassion. Being Solution-Centric means that we are proactively engaging
students in opportunities to learn and grow. Proactive means promoting
skill-based learning, whereas anti as in "Anti-bullying" is reactive. It is much
more effective and efficient to promote the behaviors we do want in students
rather than efforts to eliminate or move student's away from behaviors we don't
want.
There are many
evidenced-based frameworks and programs to promote Pro-Social Skills. Religious
and Public Schools adopt approaches that work for their environments. For
Catholic and other Christian schools, a Christ-centered focus on the Gospel
Guidelines is essential. For public schools Character-Based Education and Social
Emotional Learning are key.
With this "new view" in
mind; ALL incidents of peer mistreatment are taken seriously and
every effort is made to guide misguided actions toward meaningful opportunities
to learn, serve, lead and succeed, in educating and promoting pro-social skills
for the formation of the whole child.
Helpful Resources
STOPit Solutions
Peace Be With You Christ Centered Bullying Redirect
Social Emotional Learning
Character Education
Frank A. DiLallo, is
a Professional Counselor and certified Prevention Specialist who works in the
Office of Child & Youth Protection for the Diocese of
Toledo. He frequently consults with principals, teachers
and parents for preK-12 with Christian and public schools across the U.S.
DiLallo is also the author
of several books and articles that address bullying and its impact, including: Bullying
Redirect: Strategies for Educators, Bullying Redirect: Strategies for Parents.
Bullying Redirect: Strategies for Christian Educators, Bullying Redirect:
Strategies for Christian Parents. Peace2U Three Phase Bullying Solution, Peace Be With You Christ-Centered Bullying Solution, and
Peace Be With You Christ Centered Bullying Redirect. Audio CD's include; The
Peace Project: Meditations for Young Adults and Make Me An Instrument of Your
Peace: Inspirational Meditations for Strength, Hope & Healing.
Please visit Frank's
website at:
https://www.peacebewithyou.world/
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