Humor


Doctor and Patient

Doctor: “I am not exactly sure of the cause. I think it could be due to alcohol.”

Patient: “That’s OK. I will come back when you are sober.”

 

Poor Husband

Sally walked in to the Dentist office to make an appointment. “How much do you charge to pull out a tooth?” she asked.”

“It’s $130″, was the prompt reply.

“$130!” gasped Sally, that’s ridiculous! There must be a way for you to go cheaper.”

“Well,” said the Dentist thoughtfully, I suppose if we don’t numb it, we could knock off $30.”

“Only $30?,” countered Sally, “that’s still $100, you’ve got to make it cheaper.”

“Well,” said the Dentist after a long pause, “I suppose if we take it out with a wrench we could knock it down to $50.”

“Perfect”, said Sally happily. “I would like to make an appointment for next Tuesday, for my husband Jack.”

 

Turkey Catch

A Football team was on the field during practice, when to their surprise, a big turkey suddenly walked up to the coach and demanded a tryout.

“Are you crazy,” hollered the coach, “we don’t give tryouts to turkeys.”

Before he knew it the turkey started dashing towards the football and made a fantastic catch.

“That was amazing”, exclaimed the coach “I have never seen anything like that! How much do you want for a year?”

“Don’t worry about money,” said the turkey, “let me just ask you something, does the season go past thanksgiving?!”

 

SENIORS AND FACEBOOK

Should I Really Join Facebook? (Priceless)Read it all the way through! It's a good laugh! AND really quite true !!

A good laugh for people in the over 60 group !!!

When I bought my Blackberry, I thought about the 30-year business I ran with 1800 employees, all without a cell phone that plays music, takes videos, pictures and communicates with Facebook and Twitter. I signed up under duress for Twitter and Facebook, so my seven kids, their spouses, my 13 grand kids and 2 great grand kids could communicate with me in the modern way. I figured I could handle something as simple as Twitter with only 140 characters of space.

My phone was beeping every three minutes with the details of everything except the bowel movements of the entire next generation. I am not ready to live like this. I keep my cell phone in the garage in my golf bag.

The kids bought me a GPS for my last birthday because they say I get lost every now and then going over to the grocery store or library. I keep that in a box under my tool bench with the Blue tooth [it's red] phone I am supposed to use when I drive. I wore it once and was standing in line at Barnes and Noble talking to my wife and everyone in the nearest 50 yards was glaring at me. I had to take my hearing aid out to use it, and I got a little loud.

I mean the GPS looked pretty smart on my dash board, but the lady inside that gadget was the most annoying, rudest person I had run into in a long time. Every 10 minutes, she would sarcastically say, "Re-calc-u-lating." You would think that she could be nicer. It was like she could barely tolerate me. She would let go with a deep sigh and then tell me to make a U-turn at the next light. Then if I made a right turn instead. Well, it was not a good relationship...

When I get really lost now, I call my wife and tell her the name of the cross streets and while she is starting to develop the same tone as Gypsy, the GPS lady, at least she loves me.

To be perfectly frank, I am still trying to learn how to use the cordless phones in our house. We have had them for 4 years, but I still haven't figured out how I lose three phones all at once and have to run around digging under chair cushions, checking bathrooms, and the dirty laundry baskets when the phone rings.

The world is just getting too complex for me. They even mess me up every time I go to the grocery store. You would think they could settle on something themselves but this sudden "Paper or Plastic?" every time I check out just knocks me for a loop. I bought some of those cloth reusable bags to avoid looking confused, but I never remember to take them with me.

Now I toss it back to them. When they ask me, "Paper or plastic?" I just say, "Doesn't matter to me. I am bi-sacksual." Then it's their turn to stare at me with a blank look. I was recently asked if I tweet. I answered, "No, but I do fart a lot."

P.S. I know some of you are not over 60. I sent it to you to allow you to forward it to those who are.

......Not me I figured your sense of humor could handle it....

We senior citizens don't need any more gadgets. The TV remote and the garage door remote are about all we can handle.

 

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