Q: Should I have a baby after 35? A: No, 35 children is
enough.
Q: I'm two months pregnant
now. When will my baby move? A: With any luck, right
after he finishes college.
Q: What is the most reliable
method to determine a baby's sex? A: Childbirth.
Q: My wife is five months
pregnant and so moody that sometimes she's borderline
irrational. A: So what's your question?
Q: My childbirth instructor
says it's not pain I'll feel during labor, but pressure. Is she
right? A: Yes, in the same way that
a tornado might be called an air current.
Q: When is the best time to
get an epidural? A: Right after you find out
you're pregnant.
Q: Is there any reason I have
to be in the delivery room while my wife is in labor? A: Not unless the word
"alimony" means anything to you.
Q: Is there anything I should
avoid while recovering from childbirth? A: Yes, pregnancy.
Q: Do I have to have a baby
shower? A: Not if you change the
baby's diaper very quickly.
Q: Our baby was born last
week. When will my wife begin to feel and act normal again? A: When the kids are in
college.
"ESTROGEN
ISSUES"
10 WAYS TO KNOW IF
YOU HAVE "ESTROGEN ISSUES"
1. Everyone around
you has an attitude problem.
2. You're adding chocolate chips to your cheese omelet
3. The dryer has shrunk every last pair of your jeans.
4. Your husband is suddenly agreeing to everything you say.
5. You're using your cellular phone to dial up every bumper
sticker that says: "How's my driving-call 1- 800-"
6. Everyone's head looks like an invitation to batting practice.
7. Everyone seems to have just landed here from "outer
space."
8. You can't believe they don't make a tampon bigger than Super
Plus.
9. You're sure that everyone is scheming to drive you crazy.
10. The ibuprofen bottle is empty and you bought it yesterday.
TOP TEN THINGS ONLY
WOMEN UNDERSTAND
10. Cats' facial
expressions.
9. The need for the same style of shoes in different
colors.
8. Why bean sprouts aren't just weeds.
7. Fat clothes.
6. Taking a car trip without trying to beat your
best time.
5. The difference between beige, ecru, cream,
off-white, and eggshell.
4. Cutting your hair to make it grow.
3. Eyelash curlers.
2. The inaccuracy of every bathroom scale ever made.
AND, the Number One
Number One thing only women understand:
1. OTHER WOMEN
Exercise For
Seniors
New exercise routine if you're
over 40. You might want to take it easy at first, then do it
faster as you become more proficient. It may be too strenuous
for some.
Always consult your doctor before
starting any exercise program!
